


Cultivating a Covert Relationship

by elsiecarson



Category: Mrs Brown (1997)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Forbidden Love, Friendship/Love, Intimacy, Politics, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsiecarson/pseuds/elsiecarson
Summary: They're closer than anyone knows. John Brown is bringing the Queen out of her mourning and her grief, but not because the politicians need her back in London, but because he's in love with her and she's in love with him.Not all details are historically accurate.
Relationships: John Brown (1826-1883)/Victoria of the United Kingdom (1819-1901)





	1. Chapter 1

“Good morning, Victoria,” John says as he rolls over to face me. He drops his arm around my waist and smiles at me. “You always look so beautiful first thing in the morning.”

I blush and place my head on John’s chest. He isn’t even supposed to still be here. I’m the Queen of England and to have a man in my bed and be caught would be the end of me, but I can’t allow him to leave because it feels too good to have him next to me. “Good morning to you, too. I love you you know, but you shouldn’t have stayed. You’re going to get into trouble if you get caught, but thank you for staying. It means the world to me, to know someone loves me for me.” I hook my leg over John’s as I speak and I kiss him gently on the cheek.

“No one but the politicians will care about the two of us being together and everyone at the palace already knows about us and I haven’t heard anyone complain about the two of us. I wish you’d realize that people want you to be happy and it doesn’t matter who you’re happy with.” John smiles at me and runs his hands across my chest and around my back.

“The politicians are the ones I’m worried about. They’re the ones I have to answer to and I’m worried about what will happen when and if they find out about us. Even though I may have to defend our relationship I don’t care. I love you too much to let you go. I’m not going to let us be torn apart by the politicians who don’t want me to remarry. I don’t want to spend another day or night without your arms around me. I want you to hold me and kiss me every day for the rest of my life. Kiss me before I have to get up. We’ll have breakfast together and then at about three o’clock I’ll go riding and you will come with me.” I say as I lay my head on John’s chest and put my arm over his waist.

“Don’t fuss with the politicians. What they don’t know can’t hurt them and therefore the information they don’t have they can’t use against you. You need to stop putting so much weight on other people’s opinions. We’re the only two in the world that matter when it comes to our love.” John kisses his way down my face and places a gentle kiss on my lips. He is trying to reassure me and for the moment it works.

I decide not to allow John to pull away from the kiss and instead I slip my arms around his waist and deepen the kiss allowing John’s tongue to slip into my mouth and explore. He begins to lean closer to me and was eventually kneeling over me kissing me incessantly. I glance over at the clock and noticing that we still have lots of time on our hands I begin to unbutton John’s pyjama top. I run my fingers down his muscular chest and tantalizingly place tiny, open-mouthed kisses down his chest to the waistband of his pyjama pants.

John gasps with pleasure and I smile. “You’re getting bolder sexually, you know. It’s amazing how good you are.” John whispers. He reaches down to the hem of my nightgown and reaches up inside and runs his hands up my legs. As he continues his climb up my legs my nightgown climbs with his hands eventually leaving me exposed from the waist down. “Why don’t you slip that off and I’ll slip my pants off?”

I don’t say a word, but simply sit up and lift my nightgown up over my head exposing the niggly bits of myself. John loves my niggly bits and loves to kiss me all over. He buries his face in my breasts and kisses them causing me to gasp. He is so talented with his tongue. He slips his pants off and continues to kiss me. I gasp again as he slips his fingers inside me to prepare me for him. This is to be our first time together as a couple. As he stimulates me he rubs himself up and down my inner thigh. I hold him tightly as he enters me and continue to hold him tightly throughout and then I refuse to let him go as we both finish and as he rolls off me and allows me to rest my head on his chest and I drape my arm across John’s stomach. “That was fantastic. I’ve never felt this way, after, before.” John says huskily.

“Oh, John, you were incredible. Why did we leave this for so long? I’d love to stay, but I suppose I’d better get dressed and get working. I have a meeting with Prime Minister Disraeli at 11.” I stretch and get out of bed and go to my closet to find something to wear. “Everything in here is black! This won’t do! My wardrobe is boring!”

“You look very nice in black though, and there’s nothing wrong with wearing black. I like you in black; you look very elegant.” John climbs out of bed and joins me in the closet.

“I know I look nice in black, but I want something new and fresh. Black is dull and I’m not a dull person and I’m not in mourning anymore, so the black simply must go.” I say as I search through my closet. “Aha, I found some colour! Do you think it’s alright if I wear pink as the first colour I’ve worn in 3 years?”

“I don’t care what colour you wear. I have always loved the way you look in pink. You look so delicate, pretty, and young when you’re wearing pink. Your whole demeanour changes when you wear pink; you seem sweeter and prettier and everything about you seems more delicate, petite, and rosy. Wear that pink dress and see what Benjamin Disraeli says when he sees you looking so pretty and vulnerable. I bet he won’t be so tough on you.” John says as he helps me lift the pink dress down.


	2. Chapter 2

“Will you help me get dressed?” I ask as I pull all my slips out of the closet.

“I would be delighted, but what are you going to do with your hair?” John asks as he helps me put on my underskirt layers and my hoop skirts.

“I can do my own hair once in a while. I’ll put my hair up into a French twist and hopefully I won’t look quite as young as I do with a braided bun when I wear pink. Heaven forbid that Benjamin Disraeli should go easy on me because I appear vulnerable in pink. You’d think he’d be easier on me when I’m grieving than when I’m not.” I say as I pull my dress on. I feel John’s hands on me as he buttons up my dress and smooths the skirt.

“You look lovely.” John says as he slips his arms around my waist and places his chin on my shoulder. “No wonder Prime Minister Disraeli has fallen in love with you. You are so demure and elegant. I wonder what he’ll say when he sees you dressed like this today. I bet he’ll be absolutely speechless. You haven’t looked this nice in a long time and it’s the first time I’ve seen you truly smile. You smile reaches your eyes for the first time since Albert died. I’m so pleased that you’ve maintained your confidence.”

“The Prime Minister is not in love with me. I think I would know if he loved me.” I turn around abruptly causing my skirt to hit John’s knees and swirl.

“Oh really? Does the Prime Minister kiss you whenever you’re in the same room? Does he flirt with you across the room at parties? Does he dance with you more than once even though he doesn’t have to? Do you have to scold him for telling you you’re beautiful all the time? He’s head over heels for you, Victoria. It’s obvious to anyone who sees him when’s coming to or going from a meeting with you. You would think he was entering or exiting heaven. You’re heaven on earth for him; he thinks you’re absolutely spectacular. He sings your praises every single chance he gets. Of course he loves you; you just don’t want to admit it to me because he flatters you and you like that he flatters you. It makes you feel good and more like a woman and it makes me feel lucky to know that you picked me over any of the other men you could have picked.” John says as I glare sternly at him.

“All right he does do all those things, but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with me, maybe he just has a crush on me. He can’t really love me he doesn’t know the real me. You know me and you still love me. Disraeli only knows of my political prowess. I can’t believe you think that Benjamin Disraeli loves me; I think he’s just an old fool.” I say as John and I sit down to breakfast. He’d gotten dressed when we were talking.

“If he has a crush then the rest of the men who follow you around are head over heels in love with you. Your minions and government officials would do anything for you. All you need to do is bat your eyelashes at the men and cry in front of the women or men and you can get what you want.” John says as he grins cheekily at me.

“That’s not true! They do as I ask because of my title and because they know how bad my temper can be when things aren’t done promptly and properly. I certainly don’t use my emotions to manipulate people into doing what I want. I’ve never done that with you have I?” I ask. I hope I’d never done such a thing. It isn’t the way I want to do things.

“Not intentionally. When I first came back after Albert died you managed to manipulate my heart fairly well. You were fine until you slopped water down the front of your dress and I said that you must miss him terribly. When you started to cry it nearly broke my heart. I didn’t want to make you cry, but I didn’t think you were still that sensitive. I felt so horrible; I moped for a couple of days and then decided I would try and help you. I’m ever so glad I did make that decision.” John says as he reaches across the table to hold my hand.

“I didn’t realize all the trouble I caused with that little incident, but you nearly crushed me. I’d lost my husband, I was young and I never thought I’d be happy again and then you mentioned Albert and I just couldn’t take it. The pressure from all the politicians and even the people got to be too much and you just added to it. I cared so much about your opinion and when you noticed that I wasn’t coping I broke down. I didn’t want you to see my pain; I didn’t want anyone to see what I was going through. You were always able to see through my facade and you did again the one time I desperately didn’t want you to. I looked at you when you came back and I fell in love with you and I was angry with myself.” I look deep into John’s eyes as I speak.

“You never told me. You never told me any of this. I wish you had told me it would have perhaps made me less concerned.” John says very quietly.

“I couldn’t have told you. My emotions were all over the place and I wasn’t sure if I was replacing Albert with you and if was I knew that wouldn’t be fair to you. I just wanted my life to feel normal again, so I thought, and with you back it felt more normal, but then I realized I didn’t want life to feel normal. I realized that life was never going to be the same and even you, Albert’s favourite servant, couldn’t help me feel normal. I had to be willing to help myself and I wasn’t at that point yet. I needed to heal me heart before I tried to figure out if I was actually in love with you. I think you know the answer now.” I say cheekily as I run my foot up and down John’s calf under the table.

“I do indeed know the answer now and I am thrilled that that was the answer. If it wasn’t I would have been crushed. You and I spent so much time together after Albert died and I was worried that I was pushing you too hard too early. I had to learn when to and when not to push you. I had to remember that you’re an independent woman with independent thoughts and plans. I wanted to move things along and I had to continually remind myself that I had to allow you to take the lead; that I must not be too forward. I found it very difficult.” John says sweetly as he looks directly into my eyes.

“I could sense that you wanted something to happen and that’s why I created that situation when we went riding. I wanted you to make the first move; I didn’t want to appear too forward or desperate. We were spending so much time together and that moment in the woods was glorious. I suppose I’d best head to my office and meet Prime Minister Disraeli.” I say as I stand and begin to walk away.


	3. Decisions Have Been Made

“May I escort you to your office?” John asks as he finally catches up with me.

“Best not to just in case Benjamin does have a crush on me. He’ll be upset if he sees the two of us together like this; he’s very sensitive.” I say. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss John on the cheek. I smile as I walk down the hall. I hope Benjamin is in a good mood. I hate dealing with grumpy politicians. I know I’m late and so I quickly enter my office. “Good morning, Prime Minister. I hope you’re enjoying your morning.” I say as I walk towards him.

“Good morning, Your Majesty. My morning has just gotten infinitely better for seeing you. You look radiant this morning and I noticed that you’re wearing colour! It’s wonderful to see you so happy again, ma’am.” Benjamin says as he bows to me.

“Well, I finally decided that the way I was living my life wasn’t healthy. I’ve decided to live and love life as much as I did when Albert was alive. I’m going to enjoy my life the way Albert would have wanted me to. When Albert died I stopped believing I was lovable, but I’ve given up on being pessimistic. Shall we get started?” I ask as I sit behind my desk.

“You look infinitely happier, ma’am. May I ask, if it’s not too forward, are you in a new relationship? You seem to be radiating femininity this morning unlike ever before. I wish you were like this more often.” Benjamin says as he sits in the chair in front of my desk.

“I am happier, but whether or not I am in a new relationship is none of you business, Mr. Disraeli, and it is too forward of you to ask. The air of femininity could be due to the face that I’m no longer wearing black. I decided that wearing black makes me look older and too domineering. I’m glad you like the change. I even did my hair myself this morning because I got up so late, but enough about me. What is the government doing right now? It’s important that I know everything so I can make the right decisions for the Empire.” I say as I take the papers from Benjamin.

“Well, most of it you can read yourself. The Empire is fairly calm and peaceful right now, except for Canada which is asking for self-government. There’re some documents there for you to read on the subject. It’s important that we think very carefully about this. It may not be such a bad idea to grant their request. They’re not wanting to get rid of the monarch as their head of state. They just want the right to make their own laws. It makes sense to me.” Benjamin says as he shows me the documents.

“Alright, I’ll read these carefully and let you know what I think. In the mean time you need to talk to parliament. I need to know everything about this country before I make a proper, official decision. Is there anything else you need to discuss with me before we adjourn this meeting?” I ask as I open a folder to begin reading.

“I was asked to request, once again, most cordially, that you end your mourning period and start coming out into society and visit your people. I can see from how you look and what you’ve said today that we needn’t have pushed. You’ve come a long way recently and I’m very impressed.” Benjamin says. “I should go. I have other meetings today and you look like you’ve got everything under control. Enjoy the rest of your day ma’am.”

“Thank you, Prime Minister, I’m sure I will. After I read these briefs I have no other meetings or events until this evening when I’m attending a dinner party. It will be a lovely evening with the Duke and Duchess of Norfolk.” I say as I stand up, shake the Prime Minister’s hand and walk him down to his waiting carriage. I then walk back up to my office, sit down, cross my ankles beneath me and begin to read the briefs Benjamin has left for me. As I continue to read the briefs my head begins to ache. The work is dull and I am becoming less and less interested in finishing my work before lunch. Suddenly there is a knock at my office door. “Come in.” I call as I rub my hand across my forehead. I smile as I look up and see John enter my office.


	4. Finishing Work for the Day

“Hi,” he says as he gets closer to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “This looks like very dull work. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and spend it with me?”

“I wish I could but I really need to finish these reports first. You can stay; I’ll only be about 5 minutes more. You can sit at Albert’s desk in the mean time.” I say as I go back to work.

“It feels very off to be sitting at this desk.” John says as he sinks back into the chair behind the desk. “I can almost feel Albert’s presence in this desk. It’s a little scary actually.”

“I keep it as a memory of Albert, though I’ve never been able to sit at that desk since he died. That desk seems to have an aura of Albert about it. Everyone who has been in this room since his death has felt it. It’s eerie to walk in this room alone because you always feel as if you’re being watched and followed, but it is still one of my favourite rooms in the castle.” I say as I flourish my signature on the brief I have finally finished. “I’m done!” I cry in delight. “What shall we do for the rest of the day?”

“I can think of a few things, but I know you don’t want to crumple your dress. Why don’t we go have lunch and then we can go riding. How was the meeting with the Prime Minister? What did he say?” John asks conspiratorially.

I know what he’s driving at, but I’m not sure I want to tell him because I now know he is right. “He absolutely gushed about the fact that I am wearing colour. He was trying to gauge my reaction and he has the audacity to ask if I am in a new relationship! It was embarrassing! It is as if he was considering asking me out to dinner at some point in the future.” I say as John and I walk out of my office and back towards my morning room.

“I told you!” John crows at me. “He does love you! I always knew a politician would fall for you eventually! Benjamin’s been your prime minister for so long I thought he’d be immune to your charms, but all you have to do is smile and wear colour and he turns to jelly!”

“Oh, you’re exaggerating. All he did was react the same way any other man would when he sees a beautiful woman. You’re just jealous about the fact that I have many admirers.” I chuckle as I lay my head on John’s shoulder.

“I’m not exaggerating. Most men in a business meeting wouldn’t have reacted as strongly as that to a woman because that’s what Benjamin was in: a business meeting. I can’t believe Benjamin was that forward as to ask whether you’re in a relationship. That is not only forward, but rude. Oh well, I’m sure that he will tread lightly and be obvious which will give you a chance to say no.” John says as we sit down at the table for the second time that day.

“Benjamin is always obvious in his actions and his words. I will be very much surprised if he jumps in with both feet. He’s cautious by nature because he’s a politician. Besides, even if he does make a move you have nothing to worry about. I love you.” I say as lunch arrives and I place my napkin across my lap.

“At least you know Benjamin well enough to know when he’s flirting. Where do you want to go riding today? We can go anywhere you want; we’ve got lots of time.” John says as he swallows a mouthful of cold duck.

“Why don’t we go ride down by the lake? The weather is perfect; we can even go wading if we get warm. It’s one of my very favourite spots on all the grounds of all the palaces I stay at.” I comment as I bat my eyelashes at John.

“I know the spot. That’s where we ended up the last time we went riding. It’s beautiful down there. Wading, Your Majesty? That’s a little risqué, isn’t it?” John asks cheekily as he feeds me some rhubarb and custard.

“Wading is hardly risqué, John. Besides, you’ve seen me a lot less dressed than I will be when we go wading. Let’s just enjoy our afternoon.” I say as we walk upstairs. I need to change.

“Any time I spend with you I enjoy.” John says as he pulls my riding habit out of the closet and passes it to me. “The time I spend with you is precious. Every moment that you’re not working I treasure because it means I get to know you a little better."


End file.
